


Making It Work

by Estrella3791



Category: Bodyguard (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Healing, There's a lot of healing everyone's gotta do, but they can do it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-28
Updated: 2018-12-28
Packaged: 2019-09-05 18:32:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16816141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Estrella3791/pseuds/Estrella3791
Summary: They have a damaged family, and they know it. But they're willing to do what it takes to make it work.





	Making It Work

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> I love Bodyguard, and I am Vicky's biggest fan, I think. I LOVE the family that the Budds are and the family that they can be, if life quits beating on them so hard, so I wrote this.  
> The only reason it exists is because I want them to be able to work all their issues out so badly that I made them do it. And also I haven't posted anything on here in so long that I had to throw SOMETHING up, however horrible it may be.  
> I'm so bad at writing British anything, my gosh. If you spot any horrific issues then please, let me know what I can fix!  
> I hope you enjoy it anyway! This is a sadly small fandom and I hope that it grows.  
> So, without further ado, please enjoy this inconsistency-riddled, short, foolish piece of angst that I conjured up.

David has never been the best with feelings, and Vicky has always known it. 

She's fully aware of the fact that he struggles with articulating what's going on inside his head, and that he's been that way since the day she met him. 

It's never made her love him any less. 

Because of course she loves him. Good lord, she loves him more than she thinks she'll ever be able to say. It's just that the drinking, and the raging, and the fist through the wall in a fit of drunken screaming damaged her trust quite badly. 

He's working to build it back up. Working harder than she thought he was capable of. He's giving everything he has to repairing their family, and it's working. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They're still damaged, of course. 

She and Dave both wake up screaming most nights. 

The worst part is that they can't comfort each other. 

His nightmares usually involve her, or, on the rare occasion, Julia Montague. When his eyes open there are tears in them, and he wants to reach for her, hold her close, reassure himself that she's safe and whatever happened in his warped and hurt brain was just a dream. 

Hers involve him. In them he's as bad as he was before they separated, and he screams and hits until her spirit shrinks and she cries and cowers. 

She can never let him in. In the blackness of their darkened room, on the nights when the ghost of his drunken past has swooped through her head, she can't let Dave touch her. 

In the daylight, it's a different story. In the daylight, she sees how hard he tries. She sees the scars that don't just mar his body. She sees him want more but never push for it because he knows it would make her uncomfortable. She sees the constant struggle that it is for him to keep from burying himself in a bottle, but she sees how he does it anyway, because she's more important to him than feeling good. _They're _more important to him. His family.__

__She wants to make it worth his while. She wants nothing more, because Dave is her whole world, even when she's pretending that he's not, and he probably always will be. She wants him to be happy. She wants him to be comfortable. And she wants him to be healthy, which is seeming less likely than ever, when she really lets herself see how it is._ _

__But it can work, and she knows it can. Their dysfunctional, broken, damaged family can work. They can make it._ _

__Both of them pour themselves into making it work, really. They give as much as they can to keep their kids happy and themselves together._ _

__He gives more than her, she thinks.__

__~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_ _

__

__Vick has never ceased to amaze him, ever, at any point in her life. Victoria Budd is incredible, fantastic, astounding, and capable of more than he'll ever know, and he knows it. She has reserves of strength that he doesn't have, and probably never will. His nerves are so easily and irrevocably broken, but hers stretch and lengthen and they may grow frayed at times but they never snap._ _

__It's the mothering, he thinks sometimes._ _

__It's just who she is, he thinks at others._ _

__It's both._ _

__He watches her struggle to let go of the man he was, and his heart aches. He failed her so horribly in so many ways, it's a miracle she still speaks to him at all, let alone agrees to try to work it out. And don't even get him started on how she truly and selflessly _forgives _him. Which she does, over and over again, because habits are hard things to kill and his temper will sometimes get the better of him, no matter how tries to keep it in check.____

___His wife has done a lot of incredible things in her life, but David thinks that the most awe-inspiring one is the way she'll open her arms to him, even when he's shouting._ _ _

___He doesn't know how she does it, but he's so grateful that sometimes he thinks he'll burst.___

___~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~._ _ _

___ _

___Letting Dave hold her close and cry into her shoulder and sob apologies is difficult._ _ _

___Vicky knows that he considers it nothing short of a miracle, that she's some sort of angel._ _ _

___She's not._ _ _

___But she does want Dave, in every sense of the word, and she wants her kids, and she wants them to all be a family because she knows that pizza nights with Dad and going to the cinema with Mum cannot compare to a humdrum dinner where all four of them are sitting at the table. She wants to be able to look back on her choices and not regret this one, to be able to cuddle into Dave's side as he sips at a beer - just one, because he's kicked the habit - and know that she did the right thing, that letting a broken soldier come home to his family was the best thing she could have done, for the soldier and for his family.___

___~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~._ _ _

___ _

___Sometimes he wonders. He'll come back to himself, recover his senses in the middle of an anger-fueled scream, and wonder if he should be here. If Vicky and Ella and Charlie would all be much safer and happier if he hadn't called for his wife after waking up panicked and bloody in an explosives vest, if he'd let her go on with her boyfriend and the life that she was obviously handling brilliantly because she's _Vicky _, if he'd let himself die and left them alone.___ _ _

___Probably they would, he thinks at his worst._ _ _

___Maybe they wouldn't, he thinks at his best, and that's a pretty good best, thank you very much, Louise's pompous psychiatric specialist, especially when he's spent years hating himself for not having the courage to end his life and drowning as much of that hate as he could in a bottle of the strongest alcohol he could get.___

___~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~._ _ _

___ _

___Louise goes over for film nights, sometimes, because she wants to keep an eye on Dave and Vicky doesn't mind. She's eaten lots of crisps on their sofa and introduced Ella to all the Disney princesses, to Vicky's chagrin. She needn't have worried; Ella suffers through the movies until the end and then unleashes so much scornful criticism that Louise's inner child takes quite a beating. But of _course _Ella doesn't care for ladies that swoon until their man shows up, when she's had such a strong woman as her mother to look up to. Just the thought of Vicky waiting for _anyone _to save her is a laugh. Victoria is her own hero._____ _ _

___When they watch _Star Wars _, Ella likes those much better.___ _ _

___Louise knows that Dave and Vicky have had problems. Of course they have; they were separated and inches away from a divorce. Both slept with different people, both gave up on a marriage that had died almost completely._ _ _

___But not completely, and the fire that they've managed to fan from the smouldering embers amazes Louise. She's never seen anyone fight for their marriage as fiercely as the two Budds have, and she's more touched and awed by it than she'd ever tell anyone._ _ _

___She knows that at first it was only for the children, but she's watched it grow from being for the kids' benefit to being for an entirely different reason._ _ _

___But she doesn't think that they're ready to admit that yet, so she pretends not to notice.___

___~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~._ _ _

___ _

___Ella doesn't know when it happened, but there was a point in time where her Mum stopped loving her Dad._ _ _

___She knows more than they think she does, so she knows that it had something to do with the drinking that he did, and the shouting that he did, and the hollow look that he had in his eyes more than not, like her dad is gone and she won't be able to reach him until he comes back. She knows it had something to do with how big the inside of his head had become, that he could get lost so easily inside of it._ _ _

___She knows that her Dad almost stopped loving her Mum._ _ _

___Those weren't good days, for anyone, she doesn't think. Maybe it was her own feelings reflecting off of the faces of those around her, but no one seemed happy, practically ever. The sky was dark (though that wasn't particularly remarkable - it _was _London), as was the mood of most people she encountered.___ _ _

___Fortunately, those days didn't last forever, and she isn't sure when this happened, either, but her Mum started loving her Dad again, and as soon as that happened, everyone got happy. No one's as busy as they seemed to be; Dad'll lie on the floor with Charlie, wrestling and tumbling and laughing, for hours. He'll read whole chapter books to her in one go. And Mum will dedicate whole days to her 'kiddos', because she doesn't need to work as much; she and Dad are both chipping in for the bills. (Dad moved back in a while ago, to 'cut costs'. Ella's pretty sure she knows better.)_ _ _

___Sometimes it's still confusing and sometimes it's still scary, but her parents' relationship, which had crumbled to the ground, is getting built up again, and it makes Ella smile.___

___~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~._ _ _

___ _

___It's not a very remarkable day when she realizes that they're getting there. It's been a year and a bit since she and David started trying to rebuild the burnt bridges, it's her friend Mary's birthday, but, besides that, there's nothing particularly interesting._ _ _

___It's a little wet and very cold, because it's January. Ella is off staying the night at someone's house, and Charlie's game is blasting music all through the house._ _ _

___Vicky is lying in bed, reading a novel. Dave is holding her close and tracing patterns into her tummy with gentle fingers. She's on the verge of slipping off into sleep because he's so safe and warm behind her, and his presence comforts her better than a lot of things could, when it occurs to her that she wouldn't have thought that a year ago._ _ _

___A year ago she was still struggling to let David hold her hand when they went for a walk to talk things out. A year ago she still woke up wanting to kick her husband out of her house. A year ago she wanted to bring her family back together, but she wasn't holding out much hope._ _ _

___Now, she needs her husband's touch to make her feel grounded. Now, 'Mum and Dad' slips off of her childrens' tongues without any thought. Now, their family still isn't perfect, but they're whole._ _ _

___"David?" she says, marking her spot and closing her book._ _ _

___"Yes?" he answers, smiling. He always smiles when she uses his name. He's worse than when they first got together, all those years ago._ _ _

___She sets the book on her nightstand and turns over to look at him. His smile softens into something that makes her want to melt and he brushes a bit of hair out of her face._ _ _

___She takes a breath._ _ _

___"I love you," she says._ _ _

___His eyes widen and his breath hitches a little bit. They haven't been using those words very often._ _ _

___"I love you, too," he says, eyes begging her to understand that he's not just saying it; he loves her with everything he has._ _ _

___She knows it, because he's shown her, so instead of trying to use words, that were clumsy and rough anyway, she leans forward and kisses him.___


End file.
